I’ve written this blog post about 30 times in my head
already. But every time I sit at my laptop to actually write it I just can’t
seem to. I think it’s because I’m still ashamed of this part of myself. So much
stigma still exists around eating disorders, that I hide the fact that as a
teenager, I had one. It’s not something I like to think about or talk about,
and so writing this post is very difficult for me. I think I’ve been
approaching it the wrong way, so I’m trying a different approach. The scientist
in me is going to take this from a scientific perspective. I’m not going to
talk a huge amount about my own experience, not yet anyway, and I may never do.
It is part of my life I would rather forget, but I’m using my experience to try
and make a difference to others with eating disorders. So here goes.
There are currently four recognised eating disorders in the
UK: bulimia nervosa, binge-eating disorder, EDNOS (eating disorder not
otherwise specified) and anorexia nervosa. Roughly 1% of women will develop
anorexia nervosa at some point in their life. At the age of 15, I found that I
had become that one in a hundred.
Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all the mental
illnesses, with up to 20% of anorexics dying from it. Death is usually due to
complications, mainly heart failure, though a small percentage are due to
suicide. Around 50% of those with anorexia also have major depressive disorder,
something I also experienced. For those of you who know little about anorexia I
shall attempt to explain a little about the illness. There are many symptoms of
anorexia nervosa; I experienced almost all of them. These include:
-
Severe weight loss (BMI below 17.5)
-
Sleeping problems
-
Tiredness
-
Dizziness
-
Feeling cold
-
Amenorrhoea
-
Hair loss
-
Irritability
-
Perfectionism
-
Concentration difficulties
-
Feeling genuinely fat when you are actually
underweight (body dysmorphia)
-
Excessive exercising
-
Ritual behaviours
Anorexia affects the entire body, with the following
complications very commonly occurring:
-
Low white blood cell count
-
Anaemia
-
Lowered immune system functioning
-
Loss of heart muscle
-
Poor circulation
-
Low blood pressure
-
Osteoporosis (weakened bones)
These complications and symptoms are all fully reversible,
if treatment is provided early on in the course of the illness. When people at
school noticed my extreme weight loss, the school contacted my mum, who took me
straight to the doctors. At the doctors I was told I probably had an eating
disorder but the waiting list for treatment was 6 months. Now 6 months is more
than enough time for anorexia to kill you. And it’s a long time for
complications to develop. Fortunately, my family has access to private health
insurance through my mum’s work. So I saw an eating disorder specialist very
quickly, and was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. My treatment involved
frequent visits with the specialist, as well as weekly counselling to help me
work through the way I was feeling. I’m not going to go into how I got better.
Let’s just say it was a very long, very difficult journey that I got through
due to expert help and the most wonderful support from my family. I was very
lucky, my anorexia lasted just under 3 years from onset to full recovery. I was
one of those in the 46% of anorexics who make a full and complete recovery. And
for me, running has totally transformed the way I view food. Food is necessary
fuel now; if I don’t eat enough I can’t run far enough. It’s totally
transformed my life. Not everyone is as fortunate as I was, however. Not
everyone has the access to private healthcare that I had. For some, that 6
months waiting list is their reality, and some of those will die. This is where
b-eat comes in.
B-eat are the leading UK eating disorders charity. They fund
vital research into the causes of eating disorders and development of
treatments. Since recovering, I’ve been on their research mailing list, which
means I take part in a lot of their research as a recovered anorexic. But they
also run support groups for those with eating disorders. They provide
information and support for the families and friends. In short, b-eat are a
lifeline for some families. In my recovery journey, the hardest thing I faced
was learning what was a normal amount to eat again. For others, the hardest
part of recovery is getting treatment in the first place. B-eat are helping
this to happen for more and more people. So that’s why I’m running 26.2 miles
for them. Because there are currently around 1.6 million people in the UK with
eating disorders. And if the money I raise helps only one of those 1.6 million,
then I’ve made a worthwhile difference.
I’m also running the marathon to inspire others. To show 16
year old me, that not only can I fully recover from anorexia, but that I can be
so fit and healthy that I’m able to run a marathon. I’m hoping that I can show
others who are in the dark midst of an eating disorder, that things really can
get better.
You can read more about b-eat and what they do at www.b-eat.co.uk. Please, if you are able to, sponsor me at www.justgiving.com/abinichollsruns
and spread the fundraising page far and wide.
Thank you for taking the time to read this rather lengthy
post. Thank you to all of you who supported me through my eating disorder, you’re
kindness, patience and compassion means more to me than I can ever put into
words. And for those who didn’t know about my eating disorder, please do not
feel upset that I didn’t tell you. I don’t tell anyone, it became a dirty
secret of mine. But now I feel able to stop hiding it, and use my experiences
to make a difference.
Time to marathon: 2 months
